Not All Who Wander Are Lost…But I Am Lost As Fuck.

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How many of you are guilty of loving the (basic bitch) quote “Not all who wander are lost”? I am guilty of loving that quote myself. I think it is important to have adventure in your life, in fact I think its necessary. With out adventure you get stuck in a daily routine, which isn’t always a bad thing, but you can lose sight of what inspires you. I found myself stuck in a routine in the last year. Wake up and drive to work, clock in and work, clock out and drive home from work. I was making a living, but I wasn’t living. Now tell me, what is the point in making a living if you aren’t going to enjoy it?

So here I am free of a routine, across the country from what I have known for the last 13 years and I am lost as FUCK. I have no idea where to even start. It was so much easier back where I came from because I could pick up the phone and head over to my sisters house around the corner, or drive up to my girlfriend’s house for a night out. Now I have to take a step out of my comfort zone and explore a town I don’t know very well, SOLO. I need to let go of the comfort of what I WOULD have done back home, and move forward with what I WANT to do here. As cheesy of an idea as it may be, I need a bucket list. I don’t need it as a checklist but as a source of inspiration of what I want to accomplish next (maybe I’ll share this once its done).

I woke up this morning and got dressed. My outfit for the day consists of a pair of sweat pants, and over sized t-shirt, a flannel, my slippers, and I didn’t even run the brush through my hair. Am I upset about it? Absolutely not! This is exactly what I wanted for the longest time after feeling exhausted by routine life. I am happy to spend my day in comfortable clothes, enjoy an iced coffee and hang out with my dog, but I still want more. This is perfect for me right now, but I didn’t give up my career, friends and family to be lazy.

After writing this all out, maybe I’m not as lost as I think I am. Maybe I am right where I’ve wanted to be and it is just time to keep moving.

-Nicole

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Girlfriends For Life

What do you do when your boyfriend/husband is being an ass, or the guy you met from your most recent online dating venture is nothing like you thought he would be? What do you do when your life at work is a complete nightmare, or you didn’t get your morning coffee and had to sit in traffic? How about when you see the cutest puppy on Instagram, or you see a girl’s post that use to be hot in high school but now looks like a busted can of cinnamon rolls? If you are anything like me, you pick up your phone and text your closest girlfriends and vent, laugh, cry, or all three simultaneously LOL.

There are many important relationships you will have in life, but what would life be with out girlfriends? It would be HORRIBLE! There have been multiple times in my twenties when the support of my closest girlfriends got me through some of the hardest times, even when I didn’t ask for it. There have also been plenty of girls nights in my life that have been some of the most entertaining times I could ever have asked for. Like that one time I went to the grocery store on Valentines Day (SOLO) and bought three bottles of champagne to be there for one of my best friends when she needed me, the looks I got were priceless! Ladies if I am going to be honest, most men will never understand our friendships with girlfriends but you know you have found a keeper when he accepts you and your crazy friends. For those of you who haven’t found your prince charming, make sure he appreciates your girlfriends before you settle.

I am very fortunate to have friendships that have lasted over a decade, friendships that have become family, and friendships that have grown up and matured as I have. All of my girlfriends are strong, bright, supportive, understanding, fun, beautiful, and a little bat shit crazy (yes, they should have all considered careers as private investigators). You know you will be best friends for life when you hide in bushes with your best friend to see if someone was telling you the truth (we were teenagers). Don’t lie ladies, we are all guilty of doing something crazy for our closest girlfriends. If you haven’t maybe you are normal and the rest of us are just fucking nuts! If there is anything I know for sure, life wouldn’t be as fun with out my friends.

Thank you to all of my close girlfriends who have given me a lifetime of memories to look back at and cherish. Thank you for never passing judgment and always accepting me as I am. Thank you for being you, women that I can admire for all that you have accomplished and can count on for your continued support. I know we are living in different time zones these days, but I am always grateful for you.

-Nicole

True Life: I Am A Dog Mom

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Growing up in life I always told myself all I ever wanted was a successful career, money, and to have fun. Well, that was up until my mid twenties when I realized the feeling of the phrase “my biological clock is ticking”. I took a step back, looked around, and realized plenty of women around me were getting married or having children. I never thought I wanted a husband or a family of my own, mostly because of my upbringing and the childhood that I had, but I’ve come to realize that a family of my own is what I am looking forward to most in the next chapters of my life. So how does this play into being a dog mom? Well how many of you ladies out there have heard the words, “I don’t want you to end up being the single crazy dog lady”? NEWSFLASH: I love being the crazy dog lady because a dog has never made me cry or question my self worth!

What would this post be with out a brief background of my dog? Cody is a three-year-old German shepherd, and up until 24 years old I had gone my whole life with out owning a dog. I will never forget the day we brought Cody home, mostly because I didn’t get any sleep that night and instantly questioned what we had gotten ourselves into. There have been plenty of lessons learned through out the last three years, mainly to keep everything out of Cody’s reach, which was easier when he was a puppy. Even though there have been times when I have wanted to sit him in the front yard with a free sign around his neck, I can never forget all the times that Cody has been a true companion when I’ve needed him most. Also known as the times I have been sitting on the couch crying because of something life threw my way, but Cody would jump up and lay next to me until I calmed down. Cody knows all my secrets, and lets just say it’s a good thing he can’t speak English.

I know that if any of my friends are reading this, they are laughing and totally agreeing, especially the friends who are in the same place in life that I am. I have been given a hard time for how much my dog means to me, and I don’t care. Life is better with paws, and if you don’t agree, well then I think you’re CRAZY! If you are reading this and you have wanted a dog but haven’t taken that step yet, go out and rescue one ASAP because you won’t regret it. So many dogs need someone to adopt them, and love them, and offer them a permanent home. Check your local SPCA’s or look online for different rescue groups, because there is a perfect dog out there for everyone who wants one.

-Nicole

Confidence Is Key

Confidence by definition is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. When you think of someone you find attractive, how high on the list of traits does confidence rank? In my opinion, a high level of confidence can easily rank in the top five attractive qualities someone can posses. So, why am I writing about confidence? I am usually a fairly confident person and I know what I am capable of, but ever since I’ve started making significant changes in my life I feel like I’ve lost some of my confidence along the way. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and it challenged me to remember the confident person I feel like I’ve lost touch with.

If you are struggling with your confidence, or doubting your confidence level, first remember you aren’t the only one who feels this way. Second make a list of some of your best qualities. Some of your best qualities could be your personal style, health/fitness/body image, intelligence level or education, work ethic, compassion for people. Third, BELIEVE in yourself, no matter what! Don’t ever let anyone or anything take your confidence from you, be brave and stand strong.

For the longest time my career generated my confidence because of all that I had accomplished. I know this may sound crazy to some people, but stepping away from my profession led to my struggle with my confidence. Now that it has been a couple of months since I have left that part of my life in the past, I am able to use my ability to make a life changing decision as a new source of my confidence. If I can make the decision to start over and leave behind everything I have accomplished for a new future, I need to remember to believe in myself.

Even on your worst day, don’t forget what you are capable of!
-Nicole

Relationships and Dating Disasters

Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Match, I have tried them all. Bless my heart, right? The whole point of my blog is to be honest and open, and what is more honest and open than exposing my dating life. I am not going to share any names, and if someone I have dated reads this and isn’t happy about it, sorry but you were a part of my life. I realize that this can create a negative opinion of who I am, but I bet that everyone who reads this will relate in one way or another. If you don’t relate, good for you, but the rest of us are still figuring it out.

In the last six years I have casually dated, started relationships, fallen in love and the worst part had my heart broken. If there is one thing that you should never under estimate it’s the power of a break up, however hopefully you learn something as you move on in life. I have no regrets about my dating history, just to make that clear, and I don’t think all men are assholes. We all have met someone of the opposite sex in our lives and can hopefully admit that in some way that person changed us for better, or in some less positive cases for worse. I met a guy right before I turned 21 and even though it has been turbulent at times (this is an understatement), we have found a way to be friends today. Lines get blurred, and as people we are both less than perfect (he wouldn’t admit to be anything less than perfection), but I will always appreciate the honesty and support he has provided over the last six years. I mention him because after things didn’t work out romantically between us, I entered the reality of the dating world today.

Casually dating and meeting men these days is a trip. Apps have been created for you to swipe left or right based on a few pictures and if your lucky a half assed bio that is less than 200 words. No matter what you think, these dating profiles won’t prepare you for the person you meet. I had success using a reputable dating site and it led to a nine-month relationship that I can honestly say was some of the best times I have had in my twenties. The relationship started with two complete strangers spending the perfect day together, I’ll spare the details but it was pretty great. After that day I was hooked, and our relationship took off. We brought our lives together, introduced friends and family, traveled here and there, and before you knew it I fell in love. As time went on and the relationship reached a fork in the road and our feelings for each other changed, well at least his did. The worst part of this relationship ending was losing one of the best friends I had made in a partner. This relationship plus the one mentioned earlier played a major part in my life and taught me a lot about myself, but its time to move on, and what is a dating life with out the casual dating experience? BORING!

So at this point I have had my heart broken a few times, but don’t want to give up on finding “the one”, and at the time I was the token single girl out of my friends. So, what did I do? I activated Tinder, and honestly it should come with a warning label. The warning label should read “ CAUTION: This app may lead to a drunk guy showing up at your house at 2a wanting to cuddle all while repeating how he will never date you over and over” (yes, this really happened). There is a double standard in the dating world today, if a guy is too forward with his intentions he is only after sex, and if a girl is too forward with her intentions she is a stage five clinger. While fun dating apps have lead to lots of fun first dates, they haven’t lead to many second dates, but they always make for great group text conversations with my girlfriends. Sorry guys, but girls share everything and if you didn’t already know this, you’re welcome! Incase I haven’t said it enough to my close friends, thank you for always being there and listening to my crazy dating adventures, and you’re welcome for the entertainment I have provided.

I haven’t given up on finding love, but I have learned that it will happen when it’s meant to and I have no regrets.

-Nicole

 

Wake Up Call

The worst part of waking up in the morning is hearing your alarm go off when you are nice and cozy and all you really want to do is hit snooze and roll back over. Wait, who am I kidding, you want to turn the damn alarm off and sleep until your heart is content. Am I wrong? I didn’t think so either. Well, what do you do when you wake up one morning and realize you aren’t happy anymore? Let’s just say it’s a lot like hitting snooze on your alarm clock. You know you should do something, but you don’t want to yet so you keep going with it.  Well, guess what, Life’s wake up call doesn’t come with a snooze button and once you start moving you can’t stop.

My wake up call came six months ago, when I literally woke up one morning and admitted to myself that I wasn’t happy. If you are reading this and you can relate, that’s great because I’ll feel less crazy. I admitted it to myself, but I was embarrassed/ashamed to admit it to those closest to me. I know that sounds silly, but I truly felt like being unhappy was a failure of some sort. I sat up in bed, looked around and realized I had completely lost sight of who I am. Growing up I was a driven, intelligent, witty, sweet, caring, open-minded girl. I had goals that I set out to achieve and I worked really hard. A lot of growing up happened along with moments in life that knocked me on my ass, but I let these moments change me into a person that I didn’t recognize.

So what came next? Well I started thinking, and thinking turned into planning and planning lit a fire in me that I forgot I had. I accomplished a career long goal and after that I lost my way. I dated, and even had relationships but nothing worked long term (this could make for a great story later) and because of that I had no strings. Well I have one string, my dog Cody. Yes, I am a crazy dog mom and NO I don’t care what you think! So, with nothing holding me back I decided to set a goal and give it all I have. That’s how I got to where I am today, across the country in Kentucky over two thousand miles away from some of the best people I could ever ask to have in my life.

Where am I going from here? I’ll be honest I have no fucking clue. Okay, that’s kind of a lie because I do have some ideas, but it wouldn’t be fun if I shared them all in one post. I still don’t have it all figured out, and if you don’t either, I hope you found this relatable and you keep following along.

– Nicole