The Confessions of A Single Woman

After a few glasses of wine and a much needed FaceTime date with one of my best friends, I was inspired to share my thoughts as a single woman in todays society. Single women in society after a certain age aren’t looked at through the same filter that they are looked at in their early twenties when they had more single friends than they have now. So here is a little insight, since everyone LOVES to give their opinion on what the single women in their lives should do. Before I get started, I do want to say that I appreciate all of my friends love and support, so please don’t take offense to this. I also want to put out a disclaimer that this isn’t necessarily how I feel currently but thoughts I have felt at some point in my time being single. Oh and also remember that I am super sarcastic and it’s not to be confused with bitterness.

  1. Just because I choose to forgo the bullshit of getting ready and choose to enjoy a quiet night snuggled up with my dog and a glass of wine in my favorite PJ’s, doesn’t mean that I’m going to end up alone and become the crazy dog lady. Let’s face it I’m already a crazy dog mom with or with out my relationship status.
  2. I can also offer insight into the opposite of the previous scenario. If I choose to go out and have a good time and drink a little too much, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to settle down or be serious. I am single with nothing tying me down, so if I choose to go out and have a good time it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me.
  3. Yes, I am an independent woman who has lived on her own and made her own house a home with out a significant other. That doesn’t mean that I have three heads or deserve a special award. Newsflash, living independently and being able to provide for yourself is completely and absolutely NORMAL. I am flattered that you want to pump me up and make me feel good about myself, but sometimes it can feel a little condescending.
  4. If I don’t ask to be set up with anyone DON’T assume I would appreciate you trying to set me up with someone. If I want to date, I will date. Thank you.
  5. I know that I am single; I don’t need to be reminded of it. I am a confident person and don’t have to have a date to feel comfortable hanging out with my friends who are in a relationship or married. I appreciate you caring about my feelings, but I am totally fine attending an event solo.
  6. I know my worth. I have heard the line “You are a great girl and deserve the world, but…” enough times to know that if a guy really wanted to be with me he would do whatever it takes. I don’t need your opinion or life advice to realize this. I know you are just trying to help, but I saw the warning signs before I even decided to tell you.
  7. I can’t magically make a relationship happen. I don’t know when or how I am going to meet the guy I end up with, so please respect that I can’t just pull my dream guy out of a hat and be just like you, happy and in love.

Ill wrap this post up with some advice for people in relationships and happily married couples. Dating these days can be a complete nightmare. There are too many dating apps and ways to put yourself out there that it can make your head spin. So please remember that you haven’t been single in a while and you might not remember what it is like, so before you go offering your opinion, STOP and put yourself back in the single lady shoes you grew out of.

Xoxo,

Your Single Friend

 

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All The Single Ladies

Have you ever asked yourself “where have all the good men gone” or “does the perfect guy for me even exist”? It’s okay, be honest, because I am pretty sure every single woman has asked herself this question. I know I have asked myself both of those questions. In a world where technology and social media rule people’s lives, it seems nearly impossible to find someone who you can trust and build a long lasting relationship with. Right? Well, I’m not so sure about that. I think there are a few things that contribute to a single lady missing out on a great opportunity with her perfect match.

First, the media has created an image of the “perfect” relationship that is far from reality. Trashy television shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette on ABC are a perfect example of expectation versus reality. I am ABSOLUTELY guilty of loving both of these TV shows, but you can’t lose sight of reality while enjoying the drama and entertainment. Not everyone can fall in love in 8 weeks while traveling and jet setting across the world, love takes time and any perfect companion should hopefully have responsibilities that keep them grounded. Any relationship that is going to be long lasting requires a strong foundation, and you can’t rush that process. A real relationship consists of compromise, honesty, compassion, support, selflessness, trust, and hard work.

So now that you have a more realistic expectation of a relationship, it is important to remember to be self-aware. I have often observed women wanting to find the “perfect” man when they are far from perfect themselves (I myself have been found guilty of this). Ladies, you can’t expect a man with a great career, perfect smile, and smoking body when you don’t have any of the same qualities. Further more, aside from the superficial demands you can’t expect to marry a man with all of the perfect personality traits when you are lacking in the personality department as well. Relationships are give and take. You can’t just expect a man to meet all of your expectations on that handy checklist I know you have, and you don’t meet the same expectations. Also, take a step back from superficial dating apps like Tinder because if you think you will find love swiping right or left, you will be disappointed.

If you are looking for love, stop. It will find you when the time is right. I know this is cliché and trust me, I have heard it myself and rolled my eyes and said yeah fucking right! However, when the time is right and you are ready and willing, the right man will cross your path. In the mean time, work on yourself and love who you are!

-Nicole

Relationships and Dating Disasters

Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Match, I have tried them all. Bless my heart, right? The whole point of my blog is to be honest and open, and what is more honest and open than exposing my dating life. I am not going to share any names, and if someone I have dated reads this and isn’t happy about it, sorry but you were a part of my life. I realize that this can create a negative opinion of who I am, but I bet that everyone who reads this will relate in one way or another. If you don’t relate, good for you, but the rest of us are still figuring it out.

In the last six years I have casually dated, started relationships, fallen in love and the worst part had my heart broken. If there is one thing that you should never under estimate it’s the power of a break up, however hopefully you learn something as you move on in life. I have no regrets about my dating history, just to make that clear, and I don’t think all men are assholes. We all have met someone of the opposite sex in our lives and can hopefully admit that in some way that person changed us for better, or in some less positive cases for worse. I met a guy right before I turned 21 and even though it has been turbulent at times (this is an understatement), we have found a way to be friends today. Lines get blurred, and as people we are both less than perfect (he wouldn’t admit to be anything less than perfection), but I will always appreciate the honesty and support he has provided over the last six years. I mention him because after things didn’t work out romantically between us, I entered the reality of the dating world today.

Casually dating and meeting men these days is a trip. Apps have been created for you to swipe left or right based on a few pictures and if your lucky a half assed bio that is less than 200 words. No matter what you think, these dating profiles won’t prepare you for the person you meet. I had success using a reputable dating site and it led to a nine-month relationship that I can honestly say was some of the best times I have had in my twenties. The relationship started with two complete strangers spending the perfect day together, I’ll spare the details but it was pretty great. After that day I was hooked, and our relationship took off. We brought our lives together, introduced friends and family, traveled here and there, and before you knew it I fell in love. As time went on and the relationship reached a fork in the road and our feelings for each other changed, well at least his did. The worst part of this relationship ending was losing one of the best friends I had made in a partner. This relationship plus the one mentioned earlier played a major part in my life and taught me a lot about myself, but its time to move on, and what is a dating life with out the casual dating experience? BORING!

So at this point I have had my heart broken a few times, but don’t want to give up on finding “the one”, and at the time I was the token single girl out of my friends. So, what did I do? I activated Tinder, and honestly it should come with a warning label. The warning label should read “ CAUTION: This app may lead to a drunk guy showing up at your house at 2a wanting to cuddle all while repeating how he will never date you over and over” (yes, this really happened). There is a double standard in the dating world today, if a guy is too forward with his intentions he is only after sex, and if a girl is too forward with her intentions she is a stage five clinger. While fun dating apps have lead to lots of fun first dates, they haven’t lead to many second dates, but they always make for great group text conversations with my girlfriends. Sorry guys, but girls share everything and if you didn’t already know this, you’re welcome! Incase I haven’t said it enough to my close friends, thank you for always being there and listening to my crazy dating adventures, and you’re welcome for the entertainment I have provided.

I haven’t given up on finding love, but I have learned that it will happen when it’s meant to and I have no regrets.

-Nicole